Revised Conclusion

Like my previous post, I will be rewriting a section of my essay, this time the conclusion. Both the old and the new versions can be seen below, as well as some of my thoughts on why the new version is better.

ClkerFreeVectorImages. "Work in Progress." 2012 via pixabay.
Public Domain

I think the new version is better because I explain more so why the subject is important to the reader. I think this goes further into the subject and is more interesting to the reader. Again, the use of first person bothers me a little, but in a less formal audience I think it could work at making a more effective argument, especially since my new introduction includes this too.

Original:
By using strong language and writing with confidence, Kessler makes a convincing argument for his audience. Through Kessler’s word choice and tone it is obvious what point he is trying to prove, and he proves this point very well. It is easy to see that he has had higher education, as he writes with confidence and is straightforward with his points. After reading this article, it should be clear to the audience that education needs to change, although the solution to this change has not been fully agreed on, even a few years after Kessler’s article advocating for change was published.

New: 

By using strong language and writing with confidence Kessler makes a strong argument for changing education. And arguments like this are becoming more and more important each passing year. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, "in fall 2015, some 20.2 million students are expected to attend American colleges and universities, constituting an increase of about 4.9 million since fall 2000" (NCES). With each passing year, more kids are going to college and more students are in school than ever before. It's almost common knowledge that America is slipping in the educational ranks, which leads to the makers of curriculum trying out changes to make eduction better. This effects most people; it's not limited to the 20 million attending college in 2015. Those students will go on to shape the economy, the government, and the world we know today, and their education is a huge factor in the opportunities they will get to do that. This is why articles like Kessler's are so important. We need this conversation of change, because education is effecting almost everyone, if not all people in the U.S.